i struggle so much with living alone.  i love it.  i love the freedom of making noise and doing whatever i need to do whenever i need to do it.

the problem is….   i am scared ALL the time.  i hear any slight noise and i mute the TV and strain to listen.  i put my alarm on “no entry delay” meaning the alarm will sound as SOON as something moves.. not after a minute delay.  i stop and listen at the top of the stairs.  i am scared ALL the time.

so, i am praying about it and asking for courage.  it’s eye-opening because in my dreamworld i marry a musician but the reality is that i would hate the alone-times when he’s on tour.  (unless we lived in that commune shannon keeps talking about starting, haha.)

i just need to buck up.  my neighborhood is not THAT unsafe… i have been hearing some crazy stories lately but it’s not that bad.  i need to relax.  pray and let go.  ask for courage and give my fear up.  some fear is healthy.. and some fear is not.  i want to make sure that i stay aware but do not live in fear.